carcinogen: a sample

the following piece is a sample from the book tentatively entitled: carcinogen. as with all things in progress, this is subject to change. warning, this piece is intense.


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blunt force trauma to the uterus. the official result of a 14 year old country grrls visit to her boyfriend's. face buried in the cum stained sheets of his basement bedroom. 4 ft speakers boom out NIN as he was kissing me and i was kissing him. doing my best imitation of the 90210 ho's

10 year anniversary- 10 years of getting fucked. up the ass, in the snatch- ohhhh, but he was such a catch. mouth full of pillows stained with his nightly mucus drain. he was 18 and on top of me. i was young, only 14, a virgin about to become a whore.


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HE

exposed me
clenched fists
scowl
truth
finding my power
a voice that has been muted
jesus speaks through ripped sheets
cunt bloodied with the knowledge that he wanted me
body stained with kool-aid red kisses while he is ripping me
uninvited.
i can still smell the sheets. heard the click of the door and i can still see. enticing me with music, "sounds you've never heard, baby, come, check it out"
face buried in the pillows
my story's but an echo of all the unspoken words-
face buried in the pillows, the stains i can still smell
i am reliving my innocence being buried in hell. click of the door.
"come on baby, i've got something your gonna like"
i follow him in , i didn't know it was my last night.
just another dick-statistic, the story of another man that couldn't wait. the same story of a bloodied virgin, whose soul the devil came to take.
pungent fumes of a laboratory of destruction, organic chemistry. i felt him grab me from behind/ pulling my hair and in my ear he gurgled," come on baby, i'm almost there."
"where are we going!" i wanted to scream. "what are we doing, this isn't a fucking dream! "
fists clenched with my muted scream. thighs cramped from denial.
"stop, please stop." ripping down my jeans, turns the music louder to drown out my screams. "you know you want it, come on baby."
i hear the rush of his zipper, i hear the rip of my jeans. an iconoclastic stupor- i am being ripped at the seams. mouth full of pillows, heart void of dreams, stained sheets muting my screams. he plunges and thrusts, biting my neck, drawing blood. seemed like an eternity before he finally stood up and said, "you'll never forget me."
rush out the room, up the stairs, size 10 shoes go boom boom boom. sat by the road, waiting for my folks to pick me up. tied my jacket up so my ripped clothes wouldn't leave me exposed to the cold autumn night. just wanted my momma, and her to tell me everything's gonna be alright.